Saturday, November 5, 2011

Open book, open notes

Unlike a lot of my posts... or pretty much all of my posts so far this post is going to be about me.  In an almost diary sense.  It is November and that means a lot of things, but what it means for this post?

I am doing NaNoWriMo.  For all you sane people who don't know what I am talking about it is National Novel Writing Month.  This means: it is an organization that links LOTS of people who take on the organizations challenge: Writing a 50,000 word essay in 30 days.  My husband and I are taking on the challenge this year.  Why?  Why would I do this to myself?  Because I love to write, not as much as I love being a wedding photographer but a deep love all the same.

Long ago I started a novel that I loved but never finished.  I hope to one day finish it but it will be difficult.  I am a completely different person now.  Lots of changes happened from the start of that book to now but the two most important is that I came to a realization.  I had been raised in church all my life and saw it for what I thought it was: a group of people who said one thing and acted a complete other way.  To be honest, that really can be the truth in "Church" as we know it.  Church isn't supposed to be a building or a business but it is often how it is treated.  Any way... I could go off on a long tangent there if I didn't stop myself.  But I came to a realization that though the way people acted wasn't something I wanted at all but I did want what they said to be true.  I wanted to believe that there was a God, that he cared.  That there was reason and rhyme to life. I wished that this ultimate love and care from this great being who took the time to create the world.

Long story short, I decided to see for myself.  I had, being raised by a pastor, had always "read" the bible but I decided then and there that I would study the bible.  I remember being told about a scripture that if you seek after God you'll find him (Deuteronomy 4:29, ie old testament: Jewish people promise), so I figured I'd seek and see if the bible was true.  Not sure if that verse was pulled out of context/ie doesn't mean what it sounds like when you just read the one verse or not but I found.  Or I guess more accurately God allowed me to see.

By the time that I understood, it wasn't a understanding the words... I am not sure how to state it really.  I am not a "feel-y" type of person, though it may seem that way with some of my writing, but it took a while to click.  I understood it all but I didn't really know how to accept it is I guess the best way to put it.

But point being because of my realization of a true and loving God and the fact that I got married I have changed a lot.  I mean we all change over time but I really changed.

Changed from a person who would be mortified to even be writing this in a diary that I litterally would have hid weight down in the back of a toilet tank to a person who is laying this all out for... everyone.

Because of this change, I am starting over.  A whole knew concept... and you don't get to know that, at least not yet. : D 


  1. I love the Philippians 2 verse about working out your salvation. This is what Christianity is to me. It's not a one day thing but I'm constantly evolving into what a Christian is, what following Him looks like. I love reading your words. Keep writing sister!

  2. It is an amazing transformation when God unveils Himself through our willingness to give Him a chance by not only reading, but studying His word.

    Thank you for sharing.

  3. Hello Rachel, I wish you a nice day.
    Take care.